The Silent Resolution

I've never been a fan of New Year's Resolutions. I actually made a resolution this year to have more fun, be more relaxed, eat more cookies - basically stay healthy. Part of that "staying healthy" routine was a silent resolution that I made but didn't really tell anyone about. It started over the girls' Christmas break and it went so well that I've decided to turn it into a New Year's Resolution. I am going to say "no" a lot less to my kiddos and "yes" a lot more. Too often as parents we react to our kids' requests by saying "no" so quickly. We don't even hear what they say half the time and then they end up protesting and asking "why?" because the "no" made no sense at all. Kids will ask for something if they think the answer is yes. When their request is denied, it throws their world off and a tantrum ensues. No one wants that. So why say no? A kid wants to paint in the middle of the day? What's the harm in that? Most of the time it's just me having to stop what I am doing to set it up, monitor the activity and make sure paint doesn't splatter all over the carpet. Well, I should be painting with them anyway. So, I say, Yes and get me some paints too! One Friday or Saturday the girls asked if they could watch a movie before bed. Typical response is no because I want to go to bed at a reasonable hour which means they should go to bed at a reasonable hour because I know they are still going to wake up early the next morning. But the next morning we don't have anything going on. It's a chore day. Why can't they watch a movie? So, yes. You can watch a movie. Now, I sometimes kick myself because it takes them an hour to decide on said movie, but when they do, we have fun. One night we went out to fro yo at 8 p.m., went to Michael's to buy some craft supplies that were on sale and came home and painted. The girls went to bed way beyond 9 p.m. but both said on the way home what a fun night it was. That was the greatest night ever. I was THAT parent who had their kid out late! So awesome. There are so many other examples of requests my kids have made - completely reasonable ones - over the last couple of weeks that I have said yes to. It's made our house healthier, more fun and a lot more predictable. There's no guessing what kind of mood Mommy is in, they aren't scared to ask if they can do an activity or play a game or read five books before bedtime. We just do it because we have a fun house now where the kids can do what they want - for the most part. As long as it's a reasonable request, my New Year's Resolution is a simple one - say yes!

The joys of Christmas

The holidays are a busy time and this holiday season was incredibly busy for all of us. But for the two weeks that the girls were out of school, I vowed to be a more relaxed mom, say yes more and no less. I am proud to say that I succeeded and I think the girls had fun because of my refreshed attitude. Yes, I had to work, but the girls didn't have to go to any daycare during the two weeks they were out of school. They were around family the entire time. They spent time with Grandma V, they went to Daddy's basketball practices and spent time with Au Bob and Julia. It was exactly what the holidays are all about. As if I wasn't looking forward to Christmas already, the day it came was everything I had hoped it would be - the girls woke up in their own house, ran around the house yelling "Santa came! Santa came!" and we all came stumbling downstairs to the colorful display under the tree. I captured many great moments on Christmas and in the days after of us just hanging around the house, doing crafts, watching movies and relaxing, but this one sums it all up and shows what the season is all about. It's about giving and, sometimes, the joy of receiving. Amy got Diana a Taylor Swift calendar. She was so excited to pick out the calendar at the store, she ran over and knew exactly which one Diana wanted because they were just looking at them two weeks before. When Diana opened it, you would've thought it was tickets to see Taylor Swift in concert...she was so elated. This hug is what every mom dreams of between her kids and I captured it on camera. I will cherish this photo forever and hope that there are many more like it to come!

Early to rise

There are times when I can't ask my family to help out with the girls every time I need them. They are always gracious and help out when I need them, but they all have lives and they need to live them. With basketball season starting there are a couple of times during the fall and winter when he's out of town and I need to get the girls off to school. But...I don't want to go in later (I start work at 7 a.m.) because I don't want to get off later. It's a dilemma that's for sure. One day a couple of weeks ago, I had to get the girls to their before school day care by 6:30 ... right when the place opened. I was so proud of them because they had to get by 5 and out the door before they are even usually awake. These are days when I just want to take them on a shopping spree or buy them an American Girl doll to say thanks. But, with Christmas coming up, they are going to have to settle for a big thank you and a hug. Plus, for Amy, being at the before school day care that Diana typically goes to after school was the thrill of a lifetime. She got to hang out with big kids, play with all the games and toys and crafts they have there. She was more than happy to get up early if that's where she was going to be for an hour in the morning.

Our version of family dinner time

Some families eat around the table every meal, every day. They believe that's the best time to catch up on one another's day, talk about what's going on in each other's lives and enjoy a little bit of quiet time that may not be the norm in their family. We've experimented with family dinner time. There are only a handful of times during the week when we are all at home together for a meal (usually dinner because I leave for work before the rest of the family is even out of bed in the morning) so we want to make the most of it and share our days. The sharing lasts a couple of minutes and then the entire focus of family dinner time shifts. One kid is complaining that she doesn't like what's for dinner. Another can't sit still and we are constantly watching to make sure she doesn't fall out of her chair. Then more complaints from ants in her pants that she now doesn't like what's for dinner. It's a stress that's not worth it. So, we don't eat together every night, every meal. It's totally OK to judge me or say I have no patience. When my kids are sitting at the dinner table together - just the two of them - they talk like they are best friends. They laugh recalling their day, share fun stories and, most importantly, they eat. Plates are clean, cups are empty and bellies are full. They are so busy talking and eating when it's just the two of them, they don't even realize what they are eating. It's a science experiment that proves me right every time - family dinner time (at least every night) is overrated. There are plenty of times when I can catch up with my kids day. But at the dinner table, I need them to concentrate and eat. So, I leave them be. I give them their privacy (like most kids want anyway) and let them have their space to eat on their own terms. But, I am listening and watching from the other room. I love the stories they tell, the whispers they think I can't hear and the giggling. This isn't going to last forever and honestly, the short time they are getting along, talking to one another and enjoying one another's company doesn't happen all the time so I am going to eat it up...so to speak.

A little motivation for hard work

Do I need to provide my kid with some motivation to do well in school and sports? Sometimes. Though they are young, my kids need a little extra push to remind them what's important and maybe help them prioritize. I've seen parents offer money as a reward for certain achievements - academic and athletic. Hit a home run, get $20. Get an "A", $20 goes into your piggy bank. My kid is not a professional athlete, or even a professional student for that matter, I'm not paying her for doing what she should be doing - getting good grades, helping the team by turning in a good individual performance. You work hard, you see results, you are rewarded with a good grade or a good athletic outcome. But we did recently try to light a fire under Diana's academic skin to help her prioritize and help her understand the importance of what she is doing at school. Fourth grade is tough. There is more homework, it's more intense, there are projects and it can be very stressful for a little person. To keep her motivated, we had to offer up a reward. She was promised an American Girl doll for her 10th birthday in June if she gets on the honor roll all year long. Now, keep in mind that her grades area already good. She's on track to make honor roll, but we all need a little motivation and incentive for the end result. Diana was excited about the prospect of finally getting a "real" American Girl doll. She's been working hard, studying well, paying attention in class and hopefully all of that will lead to a great end result. I'm OK with rewarding good things, when it comes as the result of hard work.

My extended Girl Scout family

There are few times when I get out of the house and spend some girl time to myself. I cherish every opportunity I have to mingle with friends, and just de-compress for a little bit. I attended our Girl Scout Service Unit meeting last week and it was a great chance to listen and be inspired by some of the other leaders we have in our area this year. I hope these new leaders are inspired by the veteran leaders and can take away some best practices from them. I've offered my phone number and email to new leaders in the past and they never called when they needed help coming up with ideas for meetings. A year later, their troop disbanded and they were done with Girl Scouts. I felt the most energy at this meeting than I have at previous Service Unit meetings. I really think that this year is going to be a great Girl Scout year...not just for my troop but for our whole area. One of Diana's friends has joined Girl Scouts for the first time this year and her mom is a leader. I've met her a couple of times and she's nice. I told her that she is more than welcome to call me if she ever needs ideas. I gave her some places where I've found great ideas (Pinterest being just one). I hope she calls if she ever feels overwhelmed or at a loss for a meeting activity. I don't like to consider myself a mentor, but I think us women and moms have to rely and count on one another. Oftentimes, women see each other as competition for everything - who can run faster, who can balance more, who can have more kids. With Girl Scouts, it's one troop vs. another during cookie season, but it doesn't have to be that way. It's silly really. We need to be on the same page, the same team. I hope that I can develop some friendships with these new leaders and have some "jam sessions" so to speak and bounce ideas off one another.

A family reunion to remember forever

Some people have friends who you can go years without seeing and when the time comes to reunite, you pick up where you left off. You talk about old times, you catch up on new times and nothing has changed. You might go another 20 years without seeing each other, only keeping up with one another on social media, but it's, again, like old times. I had a moment like that this weekend with family. My awesome mom put together a family reunion with both sides of my family - my mom's and my dad's. There are people on these two sides of the family that may have never met before, but there we were - in the same house, laughing together, asking each other how are families are somewhat intertwined. We all have something in common - my mom, dad, sister and me. I had the chance to have an awesome conversation with a cousin I hadn't seen in years. It's been so long since I'd seen her that her three youngest kids had no idea who I was. Sad really since I have a picture of my sister with her second oldest hanging in my house. Getting a chance to have mommy talk and wife talk with her (she's just a bit older than me) was amazing. I was so inspired talking to her because she's so calm, laid back and chill. I saw who I want to be as a mom. I wish I could be as laid back as her and never yell at my kids, but that just doesn't seem to be in the formula for the day. It was great to see other cousins who I only see on Facebook and who I just adore. It was great to see my aunts and uncles who live so far away and who I wasn't sure if they would be at this wonderful event. We have to cherish every moment we have with family. Whether they live under our roofs or not, we have to make the most of every day. We have to make positive memories that last forever. I will remember our little family reunion for a long time and hope that we can make it an annual thing. I hope that more family can come and share in the joy. I still can't believe that we stayed at my sister's house for more than 6 hours (part of that was because of the lengthy Giants game), but it was so wonderful. All the laughter, all the stories and all the catching up. If we only do it once a year, it will be worth it.